Women Making a Difference in Marriage

Hello Ladies,

I haven’t written in quite some time since I have transitioned back into school life at the University of Michigan.  As you know, during the semester it is hard to do anything but study and write.  I do love going to school though.  We have met some great people here in Ann Arbor, MI and God has provided us with a wonderful church and we will be closing on a house in just about 3 weeks.  We have received many amazing blessings since being back in school mainly from a financial perspective.  God is so good!

Today I want to talk about what men want–what do they really, really want and need according to the Bible?

One survey asked men, given the choice, how would they prefer to feel: “alone and unloved” or “inadequate and disrespected.”  The survey results are that 76% of men would prefer to feel alone and unloved rather than inadequate and disrespected.

So what does this tell us women?  This tells us that men want to feel respected by their wives and that they need to feel as though they are adequate husbands.  So how do we show respect and adequacy to our husbands?  What does that look like?

First, we read in 1 Peter 3: 1-6 that women should be submissive to their husbands.  This is the first commandment we have as wives (after, of course putting God above all things) is to respect our husbands by being submissive.  The Bible says in this verse specifically that our “chaste conduct” or submissive demeanor or behavior will show our husbands this respect.  This means that as our husbands take their lead as leader of the household, women need to let them lead by showing their husbands that they are following.  A leader cannot lead with followers.  Actions speak louder than words ladies.  We can pray for our husbands to make good decisions for the marriage and family instead of disrespecting him out front.  Take everything to the one who created everything.

Secondly, words are powerful!  In order to make our husbands feel adequate, we need to life them up or build them up.  How can we do that?  In Ephesians 4:29 it says, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”  Also, Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  This means that we need to have our mouth and brain filters on at all times.  Words have the power to build up and provide a calming, soft, supportive atmosphere that is productive or by contrast they can bring out anger, corruption, emotional pain and hurt.  Research shows that when we are emotionally hurt or have painful emotional scars in our life that the part of our brain that responds to physical pain is enlightened.  This means that emotional pain and hurts can go so deep that they are equivalent to that of an injury on our bodies.  So we need to be extra careful to speak with calmness and gentle words to our husbands so that we don’t leave scars.  Think about how he would feel if you said one empowering word to him today like for example, “thank you for getting up and going to work today,” or “you are so good at X, it just amazes me.”  Life them up, build their hearts up, and try to show them love like God does.